World Classroom

I can’t believe that I am done with college.

It has really just hit me since Calvin started again, and all of my underclassmen companions have become seniors. My once-freshman suitemates are now seniors, and my little sister lives on the upperclassmen floor I used to mentor.

I can’t believe that I am done with college.

College was always something I was so excited about. Thinking about college, even now, gets my heartbeat racing. However, in my last year fo school, I was definately ready for some sort of change. I loved the people I was around, and I loved the community, but, looking back, I think I outgrew some of the places I restricted myself to. But, if you know me at all, you know that I love adventure but don’t really like change. I like the security of the same faces and places and sights and smells. I like be a part of building community, and sticking around long enough to be a part of the flourishing of that community, even when I, in some ways, outgrow that space.

I can’t believe I am done with college.

It’s weird to not be a student. I prepare every day for the next day of school, but it’s not novels or volumes of poetry or educational psycology books I am reading, but the same novel, over and over and over, as I ask myself, “How can I make these kids excited about this? How can I get them to really love this book? How can I get them to connect with the characters, to learn from their story?”
It is not I who is sitting, listening to my grammar-geek professors talk about puns, surrounded by my close friends.

I can’t believe I am done with college.

I am now responsible for the learning of many minds, but I feel like my own mind is thirsy for the knowledge that I never absorbed. The religion classes I never took, the extra interdisciplinary lectures I didn’t go to, the questions I didn’t ask. I try to make time for my own educational enjoyment, but I just graded a small stack of papers, almost 50 quizzes, and made three handouts, so I don’t know if I could handle any Barth or Dickens right now. I don’t even think I will remember the Bahasa Indonesia words I studied last night. (“to study”: belajar? ajar? I don’t recall….)

I can’t believe I am done with college.

Not to say that enjoyed every moment of the information that was crammed into my brain. But I loved the rythem of classes and coffee and Chimes and community events. I love that feeling of togetherness– too many people in a car on the way to Starbucks, sunny Sunday mornings in the indoor porch at Kava House, sitting in the office for hours, just to talk with poeple you care about. There were the moments of intensity where there was no time to breathe, but those fade away. I only remeber the snapshots of good.
I miss that college kind of learning.
I miss the excitement of a good lecture in English class.
I miss poetry readings.
And, while there is always grad school, I know it won’t be the same.

I always have looked ahead, anticipating the future.
Maybe I didn’t embrace the present enough.
But, there is always time for me to learn.
Even when I am not in college.

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2 thoughts on “World Classroom

  1. Now who says you are done with college? You are only finished with your Undergraduate degree!! i see you getting a Masters and perhaps even a Doctorate. I so see you as a college professor!!

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